Thursday, July 16, 2009

What a Week

The week started off good. Pretty normal. We began VBS, which I love. I find it to be an incredibly exhausting, but truly fun and rewarding week. Paul and I went for an ultrasound on Monday. We saw and heard a little heartbeat, and baby had almost doubled in size.

Then, Tuesday morning, Paul got a call that his mom, Jean, was passing. She has been dealing with stage IV breast to bone cancer for about a year and a half now. We don't know what happened, but she was totally out for almost all of Tuesday. Hospice was called in. Many signs pointed to this being the time to say good-bye. Paul was there all day. I drove to Indy Tuesday night and spent about three hours at the nursing home with Paul and a few of his siblings. We stroked her hands. We moistened her mouth. We cried.

Then yesterday, I woke up at my friend's house where we were staying feeling awful. Aching all over. Sore throat. Awful. Paul went to be with his mom, I stayed in bed all day. This was not part of the plan. I wanted to be with him, not in my pajamas in a bed that was not my own. That afternoon, my friend who Abigail was staying with called to say that Abigail was throwing up after her nap. Great. Home we go.

But yesterday, too, Jean woke up. She felt groggy, like she had lost a day. She didn't know why her kids were there all together. They had to tell her what happened. She has been awake all day today as well. We have been on an emotional ride this week, not understanding all that put her into her state on Tuesday. She did have a couple of infections that are now being treated. For now, it seems, we have her back.

Now, what do I write from here? Of course, we are happy to have longer with her. I was thinking earlier today that God has already appointed His day to take Jean home, that it is not dependent on us, on what medications we get for her, on how quickly we act. Medical advances are a wonderful thing, and we are thankful that her life is being prolonged, but we know that God still has a day for her. It just was not now. It has been a heavy week, knowing what to say, what to do. I hated that I have been sick when I wanted to just be with Paul. I did realize that I haven't even worried about the baby this week, which for me is good. I was so focused on these other things, I just prayed to God that He would protect the baby and let me do what I needed to do, be where I needed to be. It has been a freeing feeling to not worry about that, too.

Anyway, that's our week. I wish I had a little wrap-up or story or verse to share. I think my brain is just so tired from all of this. I hurt for my husband, for his siblings. We are a tired family, and once again, God has faithfully surrounded us with His love in times our spirits are so tired. And for that, I praise Him.

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