Monday, July 27, 2009
He Keeps Me Singing
I guess I would consider myself a singer. Or at least, one who loves to sing. My parents tell me that I was always singing songs when I was little, usually while in the bathtub. My singing continued through the years of high school chorus and show choir, praise team in college, and as an adult, church choir and the occasional Sunday special. Although I would never consider an audition for American Idol or anything else that would put me in front of a camera, I just enjoy singing. I like singing silly kids songs with Abigail, and top 40 hits on the radio, and show tunes....oh, I love a good show tune. But most of all, I love singing songs to Jesus. About Jesus. Hymns. Choruses. Love it all.
There are times, however, when a song escapes from me, maybe while I'm in the shower (not much has changed since I was little), and I realize I haven't sung in a while. I thought that today, as I began a song and felt it maybe had a few cobwebs on it. Oh, I sing the hymns in Sunday morning church service. I sing with other people. I just mean those songs that are, you know, inside. Today's song felt rusty...tired...but good.
It made me think about why it felt that way. Why has it been a while since I've belted out in the shower, or the car, or while cooking in the kitchen? Why has my song been stuck? Then I thought of the last few weeks, of how tiring they have been. I thought of the moments we've spent next to Jean's bed, watching her body seize up in pain that we have no control over. I thought about the baby that grows inside me, who I love so much, yet am so afraid to get attached to so soon. I thought about my weary husband, doing his best to care for his mama and his wife and his daughter (because the wife is feeling too yucky to have the energy for the daughter). I thought about the things that camp out in my mind....anxiety, stress, weariness.
And then I remembered a verse. It was first pointed out to me in our spring time Beth Moore Bible study. I have since come across it in my Bible, and pondered.
Job 35:10 says, "But none says, Where is God my Maker, who gives songs in the night?"
Night. We all have moments. Probably a lot of us are going through "nighttime" moments right now. I would be silly to think I was the only one! I'd also be silly to say that all of my current moments are "night" ones, but there are a few that stick out. I think my song had been stuck in the night. It had been stuck inside where I feel my breath has been held for weeks, maybe longer. When that praise song, simple and pure, escaped from my lips today, I realized that God has given me another song in the night. A song to remember His goodness. A song to recognize that He is mighty.
What about you? What songs has God given you lately in your "night"?