Monday, May 4, 2009

Today Is the Day

Today is the day. I cannot believe it is here, and tomorrow we will be past that measuring stick of "If I were still pregnant, I would be _____ weeks along." Tomorrow, we just go back to "normal" as far as time goes, just continuing on in this waiting game.

Today I feel sad, yet not sad. I had a beautiful visit with my friend, Barb, my minister's wife from growing up. We talked about having joy in the midst of sorrow. We laughed a lot, and it was wonderful.

Today, as far as we can tell, Sissy has two baby birds in her nest and one egg still intact. The two babies hatched last Thursday. I was kind of disappointed at first (why couldn't they wait on MY timing?). This is just a continual lesson in it not being about my timing. Life continues, and I cannot be the author of it. And if that little egg that, by all appearances, is still unhatched, should hatch today, well, that would be a treat indeed. And if it doesn't, it doesn't. I guess there is always the possibility that something went wrong, and that it just won't, in which case I will send Sissy cards and flowers and bake her cookies, because I understand more than she realizes. But we won't wish that upon her.

Today I have received cards, emails, wall posts on facebook, and phone calls. Today I am reminded so clearly, just as I was last October, of how greatly loved we are.

I heard a song over the weekend that I had kind of forgotten about. Paul and I are huge fans of Andrew Peterson, and his music is so often just water to a dry soul. He sings words of God that I could never come up with in my own head. And they are beautiful. This song spoke to me this weekend:
Faith to Be Strong by Andrew Peterson

Give us faith to be strong
Father, we are so weak
Our bodies are fragile and weary
As we stagger and stumble to walk where you lead
Give us faith to be strong

Give us faith to be strong
Give us strength to be faithful
This life is not long, but it's hard
Give us grace to go on
Make us willing and able
Lord, give us faith to be strong

Give us peace when we're torn
Mend us up when we break
This flesh can be wounded and shaking
When there's much too much trouble for one heart to take
Give us peace when we're torn

Give us faith to be strong
Give us strength to be faithful
This life is not long, but it's hard
Give us grace to go on
Make us willing and able
Lord, give us faith to be strong

Give us hearts to find hope
Father, we cannot see
How the sorrow we feel can bring freedom
And as hard as we try, Lord, it's hard to believe
So, give us hearts to find hope

Give us faith to be strong
Give us strength to be faithful
This life is not long, but it's hard
Give us grace to go on
Make us willing and able
Lord, give us faith to be strong
Give us peace when we're torn
Give us faith, faith to be strong

He is doing just that today. On a day that has been circled on my calendar since last July, He is giving me faith to be strong today.

5 comments:

Sandy said...

Amy, Hey! I know too well how hard today was, but remember God's perfect timing. It is so hard when you are walking through it, but when you get to the other side looking back at how God had his hand in your life is amazing!!! Hugs!!!! His timing is perfect....always perfect.

Rachel said...

I prayed for you today. Thank you also for your sweet birthday wishes, a month ago now!

Christianne said...

I had to smile at the thought of you lovin' on Sissy if that other egg doesn't hatch. Who knows? You may have found the unique calling of ministering to wildlife experiencing pregnancy loss. That's quite the interesting spiritual gift you have there, Amy! :-)

It also made me think of that song, "His Eye is on the Sparrow." If Sissy's egg never hatches, it won't be because of some "accident" or some "mistake of nature." Our God knows what's going on inside of Sissy's unhatched egg, and he has a plan for Sissy. That sounds silly, but I believe it's only because we struggle to comprehend the depth and breadth of God's will and God's love. The God who cares about Sissy and her egg cares even more about what's going on inside of YOUR body and the sorrow you feel about what could have been.

Stacey said...

Beautiful post, Amy. I held you in my heart yesterday as you remembered your baby.

I love Christianne's comment and reminder that God promises to look after us so much more than the rest of his amazing creation!

Wendy said...

Amy - your comment "Life continues, and I cannot be the author of it." hit me today - I try so hard to "plan" every detail so we will be where we are supposed to be - when we are supposed to be there - and sometimes my planning just doesn't work. As in the case with my grandma - I can't "plan" and I must slow down and be less "busy" - another thing that struck me this week from Paul's sermon. Thanks for your words.