Thursday, February 26, 2009

Archive: A Little Less Wise

Note to Readers: This is an archive. I am all healed. But you can still send me flowers if you want to.

May 7, 2007
Today I had all four of my wisdom teeth removed. What an interesting experience! It is one I have been putting off, even with dental insurance for the last four years. Silly me. So here is the experience thus far...

I woke up this morning and got ready, figuring I may as well look somewhat presentable for the dentist and hygienist who would be staring into my gaping wide mouth. Considered repainting my toenails, but no, this isn't labor after all. I got to the office, which is one of these really nice, new, state-of-the-art places. The people who work there are young and gorgeous, all walking advertisements for ZOOM! dental whitening. My hygienist was very sweet. She gave me the remote to control my channels for my little flat screen tv, which I could never actually see since I was laying back in the chair the whole time. But I could hear it, so that was nice. It was on Regis and Kelly. I opted for nitrous oxide, because I seem to take all invasive things a little more smoothly with some degree of bodily numbness and high going on. She put the little thingy over my nose, and I slowly drifted from awake and listening to Kelly and the fill-in Howie Mandel talk to...well, I forget who they were interviewing as I went into la-la land, but I remember them saying that they liked to watch Deal or No Deal.

At some point, I lifted my wrist to look at my watch. The hygienist, we'll call her Kelly because I am tired of typing hygienist, asked if I was okay (like I had somewhere important to go). I said I was, that I just wanted to see if I could raise my wrist. Loopy. Then, it felt like I fell asleep at some point, but I don't think I was fully asleep. Doc came in, young, smooth and cool looking, probably drives the hot Lexus in the parking lot. He gave me all the shots to numb my mouth. At that point, Dr. Keith Ablow came on and people were crying and confronting each other on the show. I lazily asked "Kelly" if she could change the channel. She said, "Maybe something happier?" I suggested Ellen. How I could be in such a state of mind, and still know that Ellen came on after Regis and Kelly, I don't know. She put Ellen on. Happiness ensues. Doc came back in and asked if my lips felt fat. I thought, why? Do they look fat? All I replied was a numb "mmmhmmm." They got to work. After "a little pressure" and some gross cracking sounds, all four teeth were out in about ten minutes. Even groggy, I was impressed with the speed. Gauze and ice pack in hand, I drove home.

I tried talking to Abigail a little, only to realize that my mumbled words were probably not helping her language development. I do have enough gauze in there to give me quite a good Godfather impression. So, the three of us went outside to lie on a blanket. Paul blew bubbles for Abigail, she wrestled the garden hose, I just laid there. A pretty good lunchtime, minus changing my bloody gauze every 20 minutes. I'm just now starting to feel my lips again, and I'm not sure I want to. Numbness wearing off means a little bit of pain on the horizon. Good thing I filled those prescriptions. Good thing the ladies at the pharmacy understood sign language.

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