Wednesday, October 15, 2008

How Precious Life Is

To catch everyone up on the last couple of days, things are going better around here. "Better" being a relative term to the situation. Monday was when I actually miscarried, so it was tough. I think I had had those few days to prepare myself mentally for what was going to happen, so I was not caught off guard. I called Paul home from church afterward, and my sweet, sensitive husband said some very kind words....instead of trying to understand what I just experienced physically, or trying to say "just the right thing" to make it all better, he said this:

"Do you want to go outside and water the tree?"

I thought it was about the most understanding thing he could have offered me at that point. It felt so right to go outside and add life-giving water to this little tree, when I felt life leaving me. It was such a simple thing, yet so healing. I cannot even explain how this little tree, without a single flower, has given me so much comfort. I find myself looking out my kitchen window as I do the dishes and just loving that tree and all it stands for.

Each day has gotten easier....I guess "easier" meaning "less emotional." I got to go to the Covered Bridge festival with my friend, Angie, today, and we had such a fun day. It was a beautiful fall day, and I loved pointing out the changing trees with her and watching the leaves fall effortlessly to the ground. God gives those trees ultimate beauty before their leaves fall. The kind of picture that catches your breath, even though you know in just another month, those trees will be bare. We are such a grateful people to have a God who shows us LIFE and the cycle of life all around us. Who shows us colors so vivid just before they fall to the ground. Just like hearing a baby's heartbeat only days before it is gone. I have no explanation for it, but it is precious.

I have been listening to song lately that has spoken volumes to me. It is by an artist named Andy Gullahorn. We saw him perform in Terre Haute last December with Andrew Peterson's "Behold the Lamb of God" tour. He performed this song there, telling us he wrote it for friends of his who had lost a child. Obviously from the lyrics, his friends were further along in their pregnancy than we were...far enough along to identify the gender on the ultrasound. But I do relate to these lyrics. You can also go to his myspace to hear the song. Here are the lyrics to "How Precious Life Is":


We moved the desk out of the office
Took down the college picture frames
Painted all the walls yellow
Because it goes with anything
Put those guards on all the outlets
Found a safer car to buy
Did it all for your protection
And your mama’s piece of mind

I couldn’t see it ‘til now
You were teaching us then
How precious life is

I saw you in that picture
When they said you were a boy
Though I swore I had no preference
Those words filled my heart with joy
My mind raced ahead a decade
It had us camping near a fire
Where you’d tell me all your troubles
And I’d make everything alright

I couldn’t see it ‘til now
You were teaching us then
How precious life is

God willing if we have another child
I’ll see it for the miracle it is
I’ll be hanging on to every blessed breath
‘cause I can’t forget
How precious life is

I thought I knew what pain was
But I really had no clue
Until the hope was disappearing
And there was nothing we could do
I was too tired to shout in anger
Too scared to run and hide
I just stared there at your mother
And thanked God she was alive

I couldn’t see it ‘til now
You were teaching us then
How precious life is

Thanks for going here with me these last few days. I know they have not been the sunniest or funniest of blogs to read (good Lord, I hope not). But having my friends read this, and share emails and comments with me has shown me those who rejoice when I rejoice and mourn when I mourn. And for you, I am thankful.

1 comment:

Christianne said...

I can't wait to see your beautiful tree -- what a terrific idea. Lots of love and hugs and prayers still coming in your direction...