Monday, September 22, 2008

Writing from Nigeria

Apparently, I have super-human powers to be at church practicing our Christmas cantata last night and then flew off to Nigeria in the middle of the night, only to be robbed at my hotel. Wouldn't you know it? The one time I FINALLY get to go by myself to that dreamy countryside of Nigeria, and someone robs me blind. Takes all my money. Luckily, I had my entire email address book to send emails to asking for money to be wired to me via Western Union.

Lucky me. Lucky you.

Oh, and then I CHANGED my password to my email account, because why in the world would I want to be able to access my email while I'm on another continent? That's just absurd.

I mean, when Mama leaves the country, she's going undercover.

And THEN, as if changing my password wasn't enough, I went ahead and changed my security questions to ones that I don't know the answer to, because if I did regain any sanity and want to get a new password to be able to access my account, I want to cover my bases against myself and make sure I don't know the answers to the questions that would enable to do just that.

I'm getting smarter. I must make a good spy. Against myself.

So, if you got an email from me early this morning, and it asked you for money, obviously DON'T SEND ME ANY. I know y'all are super-smart, more than myself. Because I guess when I opened my email the last couple of times and saw that my "new" messages had already been opened, it was just weird enough for me to go, "Huh. That's weird. I haven't read those emails." But weird enough to change my password? Oh, no. Not that weird.

Just so I can cover my bases (in case I am ever running for Vice President, ie Sarah Palin, and get hacked into again as she did last week), let me be very clear. I have never been to Nigeria. I don't have any plans to go any time soon. My family can vouch for where I have been the last 24 hours, and the last thousands of hours before that. Don't send me money. Keep it for yourself.

Really. Get a pedicure. Go out to lunch. Get that new fall skirt that you thought was cute.

But don't send it to me in Nigeria. Because I won't get it.

Oh, but you can ask to see my possibly-broken toe that I jammed squarely into the wall while I was on my phone this morning in a frenzy finding out that my email account got hacked into. That made me feel so much better.

Here is to a happier ILLINOIS!!


Wendy said...

I KNEW I had seen you at church & I was PRETTY SURE I would know if you were taking a spontaneous trip to Nigeria! Glad you're safe in Illinois!! :)

Anonymous said...

Wow!I always wanted a PW with superhuman powers!I just figured you had gone on a mission trip and forgot to tell us. I was even praying about the whole robbery thing. :)

Christianne said...

Well, once you dropped the "f-bomb" in your email from Nigeria, I was so offended that I decided to teach you a lesson and leave your sorry-rear end stranded right there.

Plus, since I didn't receive one of those awesome "Mission Trip Fundraising Letters" from you (, I figured you were safe and sound in the good ol' USA.

Just so you know...if I'd thought it really WAS you...I would have sent the money. After all, am I not the good friend who bailed you out of the Vigo County jail that one Saturday night back in college??? Oh -- have you told your mom about that yet? She doesn't read this site, does she? ;-)

nlamom said...

Isn't it scary how people can just get into your personal stuff like that!!

Like I told you, happened to me to. It's frustrating, but we all knew it wasn't you.

MamaS said...

Ok, What do you do with Grandma's who can't remember which password they used for what account!! Send them to Nigeria to save their daughter...right.
I read that email and thought you had taken a quick mission trip but , like Christianne, I saw that "F Word" and KNEW there had to be an imposter...Shame on Him!

Anonymous said...

"Your" email gave me the best laugh I've had all week! Sorry it was hard for you with all the password changes, etc., but I thought it was HILARIOUS.

I don't understand why you told everyone in your blog NOT to send you the money. You should have just had them redirect the funds to you in Illinois. After all, Illinois is practically Nigeria ...and every pastor's wife can always use a little more money.

Of course, I think all PW's have superhuman powers. How else do they put up with the rest of us?

Anonymous said...

Thanks alot for the great post
Lurrenzinc is the fastest growing African social network with thousands of beautiful African women, African girls, and African men.