Monday, September 15, 2008

Bad dreams, early mornings

Thanks again to Paul's gall bladder, we had to wake up at what I can only consider the crack of "never in my life." See, all of these Indiana doctors think they are doing us a grand favor by getting us the first appointment of the day, but then they don't consider that we are on IL time, so their 8:00 appointment becomes a 7:00 appointment to us, making us leave by 6:30, making us get up by 5:45.

I need to be more assertive with boundaries.

So Paul and I got up insanely early AGAIN and dear Saint Lori came to our house at 6:30 AGAIN to stay with Abigail. Which all would have been okay if I didn't have a night of bad dreams last night that kept me tossing and turning in a state of semi-consciousness all night.

I'd try to explain the dream, but it just sounds silly. You know those dreams that are so real to you, so scary, so vivid, and then when you try to tell someone how scary it is, you realize you sound like this:
My dream last night consisted of an unknown guy, I think his name was Seth, coming to our house with some of our BCM students. We looked him up suspiciously on the internet before he came (yeah, as we do with any unknown person who drops by our house) and found out he was actually an alien who sucks the life out of cats.
I know, right?
So, second he walks in the house, I am on instant edge because I know he is at some point during the weekend going to try to suck the life out of Cammie. And whereas in Paul's dream, he probably would have gladly handed her over for the taking, my dream was much more protective. I get into it with Seth. He turns on me, holding Cammie in his hands, kind of like at the end of the movie Signs where the scary Alien is holding the asthmatic kid's body in his arms and trying to suck the life out of it. It all felt so.....real. And scary. Really scary.

I know, it all sounds silly, and now that I type it, it just sounds like Signs, except Cammie was the kid and I was, I can only assume, Joaquin Phoenix about to grab a baseball bat and slam glasses of water all over the thing to melt it.

But I was praying Jesus into my dreams, people. It was scary.

All I can think to blame it on is TV. You see, since Paul has been recovering from surgery and we have been pretty much home all week, we have been watching unnatural amounts of television. Way more than I usually watch on a normal daily basis. And I can only assume all of these images bombarding me throughout the day have entered into my subconscious and made me go a little whacky, and restless.

Because the sleep was totally sub-par, as you can imagine. I woke up this morning all tight through my shoulders and neck, and my jaw hurt like crazy from being all clenched. Man, the mind is really crazy in the way it works.

So, there it all is on the table. Feel free to comment about what crazy dreams you have had. I've subjected myself to being teased relentlessly for caring at all if someone sucked the life out of my cat.

I mean, my skin and my furniture both have scars from the little rat.

But, what can I say? I guess I love her, really love her. In my subconscious mind anyway.


nickmal said...

Lately, in my dreams ... God is ever present and saying, "You are going to build My Church."

Now, I don't doubt what God can do, but I must confess I struggle with things in life that God calls sin - things like selfishness, laziness, cursing, and lust. (yes, my jaw dropping appreciation for my gf's beautiful house is lust.)

But God isn't saying, "If you'd stop embarrassing me and straighten up, I'll consider using you to do some small part maybe." He simply said, "You will build My Church."

That's why He can call us (yes, us) "kings and priests , a royal race" (Rev. 5:10) though we struggle with everyday life and on the surface, bear little resemblance to anything royal OR holy!

Really, Amy...Saint Lori?! Still, our struggles don't disqualify us. They simply identify us as human - and our 'human-ness' doesn't surprise God. He loves me, really loves me...even more than your love for Cammie...
even while you're reading my words, thinking that I'm talking about building a literal church building:)

Anonymous said...

Oh man! Have you been in the PPC? Do I have to cut you off before you start? I think the dream thing is probably sleep deprevation. Sleep deprevation is an EVIL thing. After just a few nights of sleep deprevation with my first child, I remember thinking that this is what the firey furnace below would be like for me - were I headed that way - which I'm not. I knew it would be that I would just fall asleep and then be waken. YUK! As far as the early morning thing goes, I'm not anywhere near sainthood, therefore am lacking in much sympathy. I know it's no fun. I'll give you many sympathy points for the sick hubby, but I'm going to be forced to sing DD's favorite song for the early morning. Are you ready? "Gloom, despair and agony on me. Deep dark depression . . . . ." Everybody join in now! It's the HeeHaw song!
I love ya babe - and I love to give you a hard time. :)
Lots of Hugs and Many Blessings!