Who I Can Be

I am far too often not the mommy I want to be. The problem is, a mommy is ALL I ever wanted to be. When I was little, I distinctly remember wanting to grow up and stay at home with my kids like my mom did with us. So, now that I have that privilege, why am I often disappointed with how I'm doing?

My temper is too short. My patience is too thin. My energy is too low. This is not how it was supposed to be. Not in my plans, anyway.

And therein lies the problem. I cannot continue to strive toward being the mommy that I picture. I need to ask God who is the mommy He wants me to be to Abigail and Sadie.

When I look at myself, I see that Abigail watched too much tv this morning. I see that I glanced up from the computer each time she said, "Mommy, WATCH THIS" and proceeded to try to impress me with daredevil stunts. I see that I gave her a Pop Tart for breakfast because I was too tired to try harder. I see that I haven't taken her outside to play yet, even when the sun was shining so beautifully.

But I like to think when God looks at me, He sees the love in my heart toward my daughters. He sees the snuggles and cuddles at bedtime. He sees when we chase each other to her room. He sees the bathtime when I sit cautiously by while allowing Abigail to wash Sadie's hair. He sees our dinner the other night when she and I talked about the different parts of our bodies that God had made and what we can do with each part.

He sees that I'm trying, even when I see the moments when I fall harder than I mean to. And He gives me a beautiful guideline.

⁴ Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵ or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ⁶ It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. ⁷ Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
(I Corinthians 13: 4-7, NLT)

Unfortunately, I see all too much of the times I am not patient or kind. That I can be too proud to admit when I overreacted. That I demand my own way all the time, and it makes us butt heads. I am irritable...far too irritable.

But I have the model of perfect love. I know what I am capable of, with God's leading. I'm so thankful that He sees me where I am, and shows me a better way. Because when it comes down to it, I am head-over-heels crazy about my girls. And I am doing what I always wanted to do. But I can't do it on my own.