Wildnerness Mama

Last year, after having Sadie, there were times when I felt a little bit like I was sinking. And that was so hard for me because I had done this whole baby thing before with Abigail. I was crazy about our new little one, and still felt all of those "fluttery, make-me-melt" feelings when I looked at her as I did when Abigail was a baby. There was nothing about having Sadie that made me love my role as a mommy any differently than I did the first time around.

And yet, I felt like life was chaotic, at least in my own mind. It felt like all of the little tasks of the day that should be considered normal were suddenly giants in front of me. Laundry? Toys on the floor? Getting the kids ready to go swimming? Time to feed the baby again? It felt like ocean waves in my ears. My confidence as a mother was plummeting quickly, and I was listening to little whispers of lies in my head saying my home was no better off that day for me having been there.

Then a friend of mine told me a story that has since brought a smile to my face many times....not necessarily because I have considered it, but because it shows the desperation a mother can feel sometimes. She told me about wives of the early American settlers who lived out on vast frontiers....no neighbors, no family, no Wal-Marts for miles. Their husbands would go off in search of gold, or to hunt, or to, um, settle things, and leave for weeks or even months at a time. They were home with kids. Lots of kids. No electricity. No running water. No McDonald's Playplaces. Every possible chore you could think of with none of the helpful appliances we have today to accomplish them. And they would lose it. They would just wander off in the vast wilderness around them, never to return again.

Okay, that is so depressing. And sad. But I told this story to my friend, Angie, and it has provided a quick little synopsis of what we see around us, or even how we may feel that day.

"She just wandered off into the woods."

"She chose the wilderness."

"It's a wander to the woods kind of day."

And we laugh at how silly that seems, take a deep breath, and get back to the (comparatively, to pioneer women) cushy, piece-of-cake work of our day. But we feel a little bit better knowing that we wouldn't really ever wander off into the wilderness.

This morning I was reading in Acts chapter 13 about when Paul addresses the Jews in the synagogue in Antioch. He is telling them the story of God delivering His people to the Promised Land, the lineage of David, and Jesus being sent as Savior. And he said these words, "And for about forty years, He put up with them in the wilderness." (v. 18)

Some translations say "He carried them in the wilderness." But I LOVE that my translation says God "put up with them" in the wilderness. Not because it was a proud moment (or forty years) for God's chosen people. Not because God was pleased. I'm quite sure He was not. But I love seeing God as Deliverer....that no matter what your "wilderness" moment (or forty years) is, God is NOT DONE.

My prayer is for more moms....working outside the home, working inside the home, whatever....to be strengthened in their wilderness moments. To NOT wander off in the wilderness to never be seen again. Let's look to God as our strength that whether you feel lost right now or not, God is a patient God. He can carry us, and thank goodness, He can PUT UP with us. Let that encourage you today and make you smile as it did for me.