Other People's Wisdom

I'm going to be frank. We are in a season of tough parenting with Abigail. Don't get me wrong...there are beautiful moments, and even beautiful days (today was overall, a pretty good one). But the last few weeks have felt like we are constantly hitting our heads against a four-year-old wall of assertiveness, independence, stubbornness, and really just who is this kid? I'm not going to go down the laundry list of what a day looks like to us, or Lord have mercy, what bedtime looks like to us. It does no good to you, the reader, to hear about the sassy, fit-throwing details, and it does no good to me, the mama, to rehash it all.

But we are a tired people, this Daddy and Mommy.

We've read books. Articles. Heard sermons. Prayed. Talked to people much further along in this process than ourselves.

And this week, there have been two things that have lifted me, have made me think we can get through this cycle until the next one hits. The first came from learning about the strong-willed child from Dr. Dobson. And my goodness, does she fit the bill. Reading ways that we can guide her, establish our authority over her, and pray for her was a real teaching moment for Paul and me, as I'm sure it will continue to be.

The second came from my dear friend, Charlotte. We met up with Kerry and Charlotte for dinner the other night. Talking in our best try-not-to-let-Abigail-hear-us voices, Charlotte asked how Abigail has been adjusting to Sadie. I told her the answer that I feel I've said to everyone who has asked that question....to Sadie, she is perfect. She loves her, sings to her, hugs her, kisses her. It's overwhelming, her love toward Sadie. It's beautiful and I adore it. But I do think there is jealousy there, it just doesn't get directed toward Sadie. It gets directed toward me, and maybe just a little bit toward Paul. She and I butt heads a lot now...too much. Paul has always said she is just a little version of me, and frankly, it isn't too fun to see yourself in a miniature mirror.

On the way out to the car, Charlotte told me that I am doing a good job, even if I don't see it. I assured her that lately, I don't see it. Yes, I know in some ways I am doing a good job. And I am still doing what I have always wanted to do by being a mommy. But when you are in the thick of it, all you see is how you are not doing any of it "right."

Then Charlotte said something to this effect: But you know, Amy, God has started a good work in Abigail, and He will be faithful to complete it. But you are not the only person He has to use in order to complete that work. I realized it with my oldest daughter when she met her husband. I realized that God was using him in her life in a way He could not use me. There are many people that God can use to complete that work in her, so don't put all of that pressure on yourself.

I have thought about these words several times this week. My friend Angie and I were talking today about hearing our little ones singing songs that they learned in their Sunday School classes at church, songs that we know we did not teach them. I shared what Charlotte told me to Angie, and it kind of hit us both that we were seeing this unfold before us....God is indeed using other people in the lives of our children. Yes, our influence is great, especially at this stage, but it isn't only our influence that will shape them into the completed work God has in mind.

I love my Abigail. And today? It was a pretty good day. There were sweet moments and no bedtime battles. I silently sat next to her bed tonight and kissed her cheeks as she slept. I know that this is just a part of growing up....for both of us. And hopefully, when all is said and done, we will both see that God was faithful to complete the good work that He began in us.

Just Some This and That and So On

It seems lately that I can have 18 bloggable moments in a single day, or go several days of blogging dry-spell. And that is when the bullet points come out, because they are simply easier than waxing poetically every silly ol' time.

1. We are leaving for Florida in a couple of weeks. The Southern Baptist Convention is in Orlando this year, and we are tacking on two extra days just for some family time. I love that we have the SBC every year to guarantee a little family get-away to somewhere. So far, the ones we have gone to have been no farther than a few hours drive, so this is pretty exciting to us. The next several years will all be locations we will fly to. Paul and I have flown together several times, but never with the kiddos, so I'm a little nervous about that. I love to fly, so I'm not scared or anything...just nervous about maneuvering the airports with the girls and all the gear.
We will also spend one day at Disney, which I know is like dropping a cup of coffee in the Grand Canyon and calling it sufficiently filled, but with our little ones at this age, I think one day will be fine. Abigail has told us repeatedly that Disney World is the best place in the world except for heaven. And I don't think I can dispute that claim in any way, shape, or form.

2. Sadie is nothing short of heart-melting, barely-able-to-stand-it adorable right now. She coos little songs and kicks her legs and smiles like crazy. She has chubby rolls on her legs. She watches people all the time. She alllllmost sleeps all night (wakes up around 6:00 a.m. to eat and then sleeps some more). The only way you could possibly know how precious she is would be to come hold her, and yes, you are welcome to (maybe I would finally mop my kitchen floor. Or take a nap.).

3. Bedtime for Abigail has been pretty rough lately. Lots of fits and angry words. But last night we had a big ol' snuggle fest, and it worked great. Maybe I've been snuggling the little one so much I haven't realized that Abigail needed to be caught up on snuggles herself. So we did. And it was wonderful.

4. Did I mention I need to mop my kitchen floors? It's embarrassing.

5. Yes, Paul and I watch LOST. No, we have not yet seen the finale. We try to not watch it while Abigail is awake, because we used to watch it with her in the room, and then there was the time Sayid's girlfriend got hit by a car, and she brought it up two week's later about the girl who got hit by a car, and we have watched it after she has gone to bed since. I think I may have seen something about the ending on someone's facebook status, and now I feel bad for knowing. So don't tell me anything. I think we are watching it with friends tomorrow night.

6. Adorable Sadie is crying like crazy now, so I shall go pick her up. Bye for now!

Who's Chasing You?

I have a habit of staying up way too late at night watching movies on tv. Movies that suck me in, no matter how much I know that I will have the 5:30 a.m. wake-up call of Sadie loudly sucking her fists. It's her discreet little hint that whispers, This fist will do for about 42 seconds, and then you better do something about it.

A few nights ago, I was folding my late-night loads of laundry while watching some good movie (I don't remember, it's not important). Paul was about to go to bed, I was about to call it quits for the night. And then, OH THEN, the opening credits came on....Wishin', and hopin', and thinkin', and prayin'.... Shut it off, Amy. SHUT OFF THE TV. It is 12:30 in the morning. That won't get you into his arms.... Don't do this to yourself. You must go to bed. My Best Friend's Wedding. I couldn't help myself.

Paul's eyes start rolling back in his head as he told me he has never seen the movie. And then he kept saying things about Michael like "You're gay." And I would inform him that Michael was not gay, he was THE BEST FRIEND. Then he would say, "Well, I have never seen the movie, but there is someone who is gay in it."

Ugh. It's Rupert Everett. He's missing the point. I told him that EVERY college freshman girl had to sigh over this movie at some point because there was ALWAYS a best friend (like I need to tell you....you've been there).

I began saying my favorite quotes from the movie, which at age 31 (did you know Jules was 28 in the movie??? I mean, come on), do have an air of cheesiness to them, but 18-year-old Amy did not care. Things like "He has you on a pedestal, and me in his arms."

I told Paul there is the wake-up call of all movie quotes...
George Downes: Michael's chasing Kimmy?
Julianne Potter: Yes!
George Downes: You're chasing Michael?
Julianne Potter: YES!
George Downes: Who's chasing you... nobody, get it? There's your answer. It's Kimmy.

That was when every girl realized that she was chasing someone who was chasing someone else. I did it. You did, too, so quit denying it.

Then I realized something. Paul chased me. For quite a while. I like to joke that he wore me down, but really I think I just realized it was good to be chased instead of chasing. I told him so, too. I thanked him for chasing me. We will have our eighth anniversary in a couple of weeks. And he still chases me...I just don't run as fast anymore. Maybe it took a late-night movie to remind me of that, and to thank God for a man that didn't stop chasing me.

And he sure can kiss.

What a Year Can Do

I remember a year ago, yesterday. May 4th. It was the due date that came and went. It was the date we had hoped would bring us a baby. But it was the due date of our second miscarriage. It was a beautiful day, just like yesterday. Sun shining. A visit and coffee with my minister's wife from the church I grew up in. Flowers from a friend. Thoughtful emails and cards. People remembered. They remembered our sadness that day and they poured forth love.

A little over a month after that due date, we had the confirmation we had been waiting for. Pregnant again. Hard to believe it was my fourth pregnancy. We were so happy, so cautious, and for a while, so scared. Wanting to be happy, yet so aware of all that could happen. Wanting to love the little one growing inside of me, yet afraid to give my heart fully in love for a baby we may not meet.

But we did meet her. And hold her. And kiss her. And love her. Oh, my heart, do we love her. God was faithful in the dark, and He is faithful in the light. A lot can change in a year.




For behold, the winter is past, The rain is over and gone. The flowers have already appeared in the land ; The time has arrived for pruning the vines, And the voice of the turtledove has been heard in our land. The fig tree has ripened its figs, And the vines in blossom have given forth their fragrance.
Song of Solomon 2:11-12

Who I Can Be

I am far too often not the mommy I want to be. The problem is, a mommy is ALL I ever wanted to be. When I was little, I distinctly remember wanting to grow up and stay at home with my kids like my mom did with us. So, now that I have that privilege, why am I often disappointed with how I'm doing?

My temper is too short. My patience is too thin. My energy is too low. This is not how it was supposed to be. Not in my plans, anyway.

And therein lies the problem. I cannot continue to strive toward being the mommy that I picture. I need to ask God who is the mommy He wants me to be to Abigail and Sadie.

When I look at myself, I see that Abigail watched too much tv this morning. I see that I glanced up from the computer each time she said, "Mommy, WATCH THIS" and proceeded to try to impress me with daredevil stunts. I see that I gave her a Pop Tart for breakfast because I was too tired to try harder. I see that I haven't taken her outside to play yet, even when the sun was shining so beautifully.

But I like to think when God looks at me, He sees the love in my heart toward my daughters. He sees the snuggles and cuddles at bedtime. He sees when we chase each other to her room. He sees the bathtime when I sit cautiously by while allowing Abigail to wash Sadie's hair. He sees our dinner the other night when she and I talked about the different parts of our bodies that God had made and what we can do with each part.

He sees that I'm trying, even when I see the moments when I fall harder than I mean to. And He gives me a beautiful guideline.

⁴ Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud ⁵ or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. ⁶ It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. ⁷ Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.
(I Corinthians 13: 4-7, NLT)

Unfortunately, I see all too much of the times I am not patient or kind. That I can be too proud to admit when I overreacted. That I demand my own way all the time, and it makes us butt heads. I am irritable...far too irritable.

But I have the model of perfect love. I know what I am capable of, with God's leading. I'm so thankful that He sees me where I am, and shows me a better way. Because when it comes down to it, I am head-over-heels crazy about my girls. And I am doing what I always wanted to do. But I can't do it on my own.

The Song Explains It

Okay, so I am going to cheat a little bit and write my thoughts on Mother's Day a month early. Because it is on my mind, so there. And if you go to church with me, you may very well hear these thoughts again.

I am scheduled to sing the special music on Mother's Day at church. If I remember correctly, I sang on that day last year, too. I always have kind of a hard time finding a good song for a Mother's Day special. So many of them seem like the saccharine-y mommy versions of "Butterfly Kisses." They are just a little too sappy for my taste. Yet, I still feel like I need to choose a song that somehow goes along with the day.

Yesterday, I was driving with the girls in the car, and heard a song on the radio that I had never heard. I actually only caught the last chorus before the song ended and went on to the next song, so I didn't even know the name of the song or who it was by. But I knew I had to find it to sing at church.

The reason I liked the song so much for a Mother's Day song is that it focused on the goodness of God in one's life. It was a simple testimonial of a person who could honestly say that through the good and the bad along life's way, God's been good.

When I had my first Mother's Day after having Abigail, I felt like I had reached a rite of passage. I wanted to celebrate like I had never celebrated anything in my life. I wanted that day to be as special as it possibly could be, because HEY EVERYBODY, I'M A MOM! It never occurred to me that the holiday may not be as welcome to some. Mother's Day the last two years looked different to me. After experiencing the loss of two pregnancies (and before finding out I was pregnant with Sadie), I felt more subdued to the day. I understood the joy of celebrating being a mommy to Abigail, but I felt the pain of the children who did not join our family. And I realized that there are many women who feel the same.

Maybe they could not have biological children. Maybe they have lost pregnancies. Maybe they have even felt the pain of losing their own mom, and miss celebrating that day with her.

Yet God is good. He comforts. He loves. He carries. He shows grace. He is patient through grief. He mourns with those who mourn, and rejoices with those who rejoice. And that is why I chose this song. For those who love, love, love Mother's Day. For those who dread it. For those who can't wait to celebrate it. For those who would rather skip the day altogether. God understands it all. The joy, the pain. He is so good.

Fancy Feet, Part Deux

Some of you may remember about a year ago that I managed to barter deer meat for two free pedicures for my friend Angie and myself. After much discussion over the fact that "girl time" currently means two mommies hanging out and being interrupted constantly by our kids, not being able to finish a conversation EVER, and every phone call being pierced with crying and a million and two questions, we agreed that it was time for the yearly pedicure, aka Real Girl Time. Our friend Teresa also joined us.

Being the organized chick that I am, even knowing fully that one can just walk in for a pedicure without an appointment, I made sure to call ahead three days before our girls night to get us in their calendar. I called the place we went to last time....LA Nails.

Then the day before our appointment, I called LA Nails to tell them I had bartered deer meat before, and asked if they could use any more. The guy said, "Uh, no, we're fine." Trust me, this phone call does not get less humiliating to make the more you make it, but hey, if it ends in a free pedicure, it's worth it.

When we showed up for our appointment, I saw that they closed at 8:00 p.m., not 9:00 like I was told on the phone. Our appointment was for 7:30. They kind of gave us "that look" when we walked in, the "it's almost closing time and you have to be kidding me" look. I told them we had an appointment under Amy Cooper. They flipped through their book. Nope. No Amy Cooper here. I assured them that I had called ahead on Monday. They fit us in anyway.

Fast forward to today. I was balancing my checkbook and saw the charge for the pedicure go through. The charge to LE Nails. I knew that was not where I made the appointment. I quickly googled LE Nails, and then LA Nails. They are both on US Hwy 41, so I know I must have just assumed it was the right place. And all I can do is laugh that the people at LE Nails are not jerks for giving us dirty looks and OBVIOUSLY not writing us down in their appointment book. I am a jerk for calling the wrong place and then standing up the poor souls at LA Nails.

Not to mention that I feel for the poor guy who talked to the crazy woman on the phone who assured him that I had bartered deer meat for a free pedicure in the past and wanted to wheel and deal again. I get it. I'm a jerk...but a jerk with a very fancy pedicure.