In the Last Week

All of these things have happened in the last week:

1. My friend Angie and I got the baby's room painted! This was able to happen after her husband and some other husbands from church came to move a monstrosity of a desk out of the office/baby's room. Once the desk was moved, I felt as if the heavens parted and I could see light. Because ain't NUTTIN' was happening until that monster was moved. I feel like things will all work out to bring a baby home. And like my friend Martha said, I still have, ahem, milk supply and diapers, so really, we would have been fine anyway.

2. Paul's mom had one of her turns for the worse. This is, I believe, the third time this has happened in the last year (maybe fourth?). It is usually brought on by dehydration and a UTI. It is emotionally exhausting that this keeps happening, but she seems to be on the upswing again.

3. Abigail had about two days of being almost perfect. I love those days....when we don't have arguments, when she is agreeable, when we are just silly and fun.
Today was not quite so almost perfect. Time outs were served. A spanking was threatened. (I hate when she treats me like I'm four.) We are both resting now, and hopefully will be acting like shiny, happy people after nap time.

4. Our car (not the good car, but the car we only drive when we have to) sounded like I was dragging a dead body beneath it the other day. Very reassuring. We have to go get it tonight from the friends house where I left it. Paul will drive it home...let's all pray that it doesn't spontaneously combust while he is in it, m'kay?

5. I have hit 34 weeks pregnant. Six weeks left to go! However, I have to be in a wedding in about three weeks, and then I have given her my full permission to evacuate the premises a little early. Because I'm pretty much ready to be done with being pregnant...fun as it's been and all. I feel (today) very calm about her coming, yet when I really think about it, I'm still a little overwhelmed that our family will change forever in just a few short weeks. Crazy. Oh, and I start meeting with the doctor who will deliver the baby at my next visit! Excited about that next step, but seriously, if my doctor who I've been seeing would just deliver her for me, I would pay her in chocolate chip cookies and free babysitting for the next 18 years because I LOVE my doctor.

6. I can no longer sleep comfortably. It makes me very tired during the day. Probably part of the problem is the divider line of a body pillow that Paul named "Bertha" that is between us every night. I'm not sure Bertha is helping me so much. Therefore, I have been taking a lot of naps. Therefore, if I do not seem to be available in the afternoons, there is a good likelihood I'm paying off some sleep debt.

7. We partied last weekend with our Sunday School class as a belated Christmas party. It was way fun. We ate a lot of things that are not on Paul's DASH diet. We played games. I wish we could have Christmas parties every month.

8. While Angie and I painted, we told Abigail she was the "babysitter" for Kaiden, Angie's 2-year-old, to keep him occupied. This immediately made her head grow four times its normal size, and she spent the day telling Kaiden that he needed to listen to her because she was the babysitter, his boss, and "the one in charge." I have a sinking feeling that Sadie Grace does not stand a chance.

Overall, a pretty good week. I'm gonna go work on that sleep debt now.

Explaining Haiti

As we flipped through the channels after dinner tonight, there were recurrent pictures of toppled buildings, rubble-strewn streets, and injured people. I wanted to stop and watch, but felt the need to explain it to Abigail somehow. How do you explain an earthquake to a four-year-old? How do you explain disasters, that people get hurt? How do you explain things that we (hopefully and more-than-likely) will never experience in the midwest?

Gently. Like a child. The reason being, that we need to pray for them. She may not understand much about such things, but she does understand prayer. I wish I understood prayer, the simple, pure, heartfelt prayer like she prays.

"Abigail, do you see these pictures on the tv? Something happened just yesterday. It happened in a country called Haiti. That is not in the United States of America. It is in the ocean, far away from here. It is called an earthquake. That is when the ground moves a lot under your feet. It causes buildings to fall down, and people get hurt."

Watching the tv footage, her brain was trying to make sense of it. "This happened outside of the tv? It happened in our world?"

"Mm-hmm. But not close to here. It happened in another country. But do you see how the buildings fell down? People were hurt. So, we need to pray for them and ask God to help them. We can pray for them at bedtime when you say your prayers."

"Okay. But maybe you can pray for them. I don't know what to say." She watched the tv some more. "That guy has blood on him. Maybe because a building fell and hurt him."

"Yeah, probably. It's okay, honey. You don't have to worry. We will pray for them tonight." I switched the channel to something of lighter fare, thinking she had seen enough for now.

"Mommy, can we pray for them now?"

"Sure, honey. Do you want me to?"

"No, I will. What's the name of the place where the people live again?"

"Haiti."

"Dear God, thank you for this day and for our food. Thank you for Haiti. And please help the people in Haiti to be safe and healed so they won't bleed anymore. And help no more buildings to fall. Amen."

"That was a wonderful prayer, Abigail. Thank you for praying for them. We can keep praying for them for a while, not just one time."

"Yeah, because maybe they are sad. Or frustrated. But God will make them all better and heal them? And then maybe they can build new buildings where the ones fell down?"

"Yup. That is exactly what they will do. God will help them, and people will help them." I walked over to the couch and gave her a hug. "I love your heart, Abigail. It is a very kind heart and shows that you love God and love people."

Maybe explaining Haiti taught me more about my daughter's heart than I taught her.

Slow Down Time

I love January. Most people feel the "holiday letdown" after Christmas and New Year's, with nothing fun and festive to look forward to. I, however, welcome the change from December's (albeit crazy fun) hectic pace to having nothing on the calendar. Of course, I use the term "nothing on the calendar" pretty loosely, as there is always something on the calendar, but you know what I mean. Not being booked for parties every night of the week, not feeling that every moment needs to be filled with some memory-making, picture-taking event. I love the sloooowww of January...staying inside from the snow and not feeling bad about it (because who really expects you to go somewhere in the snow?), making a different crock pot meal every night (because soup is so good right now), and thinking Don't I have somewhere I have to be? Oh, no, I guess I don't. Ahhhhhhhh.....

As I look around my house, I'm obviously aware of many things I could be doing with my time. But those things are slowly being penciled in on my calendar....cleaning out the office, moving out the desk, painting the walls, moving in the crib. They will happen, hopefully by the end of next week because I am ready to finish it and stop feeling anxious about it. Yesterday I felt pretty anxious. Just had those feelings of not being ready for baby to come, yet being SO READY for baby to come. One of my high school friends reminded me on facebook yesterday that in the beginning, all I really need to have ready are breasts and diapers. That reminder stripped it all away for me....and I remembered that ready or not, babies come, and it will all be okay. I feel much more at ease in my mind today, which is a much better place to be.

So, January day, what shall we do? (besides laundry, duh.) The stew is in the crock pot. The trash has been collected through the house. I may transfer a couple of desk drawers into their new spot in the living room, just so I can whine to my husband and feel like I did something about it. I may read another chapter of Francis Chan's Crazy Love, because I probably shouldn't just stop at the intro, and it has my attention. Yeah, today is a good January day. I think I will enjoy it.

Oh, the Joys

I'm not sure where the last two weeks have gone, but gone they are. In a nutshell, Christmas was great....relaxing, special, magical. It was a tough few days before that, as Abigail's birthday was the 21st, and she pretty well thought the world revolved around her for a little while there. I guess it kind of did. I want her birthdays to be special, just like we all do, and I don't ever want her to feel that having a birthday so close to Christmas has made her "miss out." But I think she walked around with an invisible crown and scepter that week, and pretty well expected gifts at every corner. We had to have a lot of family "talks" and deal with several meltdowns. It has calmed down since then, and hopefully she is feeling back to reality now.

I guess all of that got me to thinking about how I am doing, you know, as Abigail's mommy. I think when I became a mommy, I was "prepared" for all that I was "unprepared" for. I knew there would be a ton of stuff we didn't know how to do, and that you figure it out as you go. There definitely is no manual. However, I was not prepared for how much I would second-guess myself. Paul and I work hard to make special moments with her. We spend time with her. Heck, I have the opportunity to stay at home with her, which gives me almost non-stop time with her, four years running.

But then there is that second-guessing...

Paul and I have discussions with each other about what we could do differently in our parenting styles. If there is one thing that has become crystal clear to me, it is that Paul and I are a team. Yes, I have those "breakdown" moments when I feel like I "do it all", but the truth is, I couldn't do any of this without him. We back each other. We are unified. There are moments when she asks me a question, or acts a certain way, and I just don't even know how to respond. That is usually when he responds perfectly.

Trust me, I love, love, love being a mommy. It was always my highest "career goal." The rewards outweigh the frustrations. It causes me to pray a lot.

But, I ask you, Mommies of the World, is there ever a "parenting" moment when you feel like you did it right? When you don't wonder afterwards....was that too harsh? Was it not harsh enough? Did they learn a lesson, or did I just come across as a big meanie? Will my child be better off for the way I just handled that situation?

Do you ever feel like you get it right?

The Last Christmas

My husband continues to sweep me off my feet with his thoughtfulness...I can only thank God over and over for what a great man he is, and a very good daddy. Thank you for this special Christmas gift, honey.

It's Good

Today, I almost became slightly disillusioned. I think the correct word is just "tired", but after an entire month of traveling every weekend, and having something to go to almost every night this month, I think I was just hitting a limit.

We were driving home from Indianapolis today where we were celebrating my friend April's birthday. A GREAT reason to drive to Indy (in case April is reading this...I love you!). But on the way home, we were listening to Christmas music on the radio on the Christian music radio station. Paul and I both like to make fun of the DJ's on this station, because they are just over the top cheesy sometimes. Today they were talking about kids running down the stairs on Christmas morning and my head got cynical.....but just for a minute. I was thinking about how idealized we make Christmas morning, how we plan it to be just so in our minds. But then if it doesn't work out that perfect way we imagined, we get disappointed.

Please understand, I LOVE Christmas and the entire month of December. I love the parties, the preparation, the decorations, the food, the friends and family. Love it all. It just seems that in our minds, Christmas has that soft haze around the edges of it, like the scene from a 1940s movie.

Tonight, though, I sit at home, making food to celebrate Christmas with my family tomorrow. The Wizard of Oz is on tv. Abigail has her friend Liane over, and they are currently taking a bath together. I hear them talking and laughing and calling each other "princess." I am looking at the tree in front of me, and even the cheesy car sales commercial on tv with Santa and Mrs. Claus in it. And it's good. It's a good night, even if it were just any old Saturday night. But it is the Saturday before Christmas, and it may almost get hazy around the edges.

Hey, Big Spender

Yesterday, Abigail got a birthday/Christmas card from my Grandpa B., her great-grandpa. Before she passed away a few years ago, my Grandma B. was the queen of the birthday card. She never forgot a birthday. Not only did she not forget, but if she had ever met you in life....EVER...you were more than likely going to get a birthday or Christmas card from her. She was organized, and thoughtful. So, the fact that my grandpa, who is now in his mid-nineties still thinks to send a birthday card to his great-granddaughter is nothing short of amazing to me.

As she opened the card, a crisp ten-dollar bill fell to the floor. Now, until this year, he has usually sent the money to my mom or to me to buy something for Abigail. But I guess he figured for someone turning four, it was time for her to receive her own money. She picked up the ten off the floor and announced, "It's mine now!" She knows just enough about money to know that it's good to have some.

I asked her what she wanted to do with her money from Great-Grandpa. My mom always stressed to me that when someone sends you money as a gift, it is because they want you to buy something special with it for yourself. (I wish I could go back and tell broke, newlywed Amy and Paul that as we spent it to pay our gas bill.) She thought for a second and said, "I guess I'll put it in my piggy bank."

Normally not a bad idea, but I thought her first ten-dollar bill for herself was too special to be responsible with.

I said, "Well, you can buy something with it if you want to."

A big smile broke across her face and she said, "I could buy food. Like macaroni and cheese!"

Hmmmm, I didn't expect this to be so hard to explain. She knows when you go to the store that you have to give the cashier money for what you want. She knows the basics of spending. And she chose mac 'n cheese?

"OR, you could buy maybe a toy."

"Okay," she replied. "When we go to the store next time, I can pick out a present to give to Liane." (Her best little buddy from church)

"OR, you could pick out a present for YOU. It's really thoughtful that you want to buy something for Liane, but Great-Grandpa sent that money for YOUR birthday and Christmas, to buy something that you would like to have."

She studied the paper bill. "What number is this again?"

"It's a ten. That means you have ten dollars."

"I've GOT IT!" she exclaimed. "The next time we go to the mall, I can use it to ride the ride that goes around and around."

Great. A ride that costs 75 cents. So Paul and I can sit and watch her go around in circles for ten dollars worth of rides. Well, it's her money. We'll see if we can work on it a little bit.